Seeking Buddy for the End of the World

Hi, I'm Josie. I prefer lolli if you don't mind. :) I'm 18, I'm 5 feet and 1 inch. I need some support. I've gained a lot and it's driving me insane. I'm sorry if I sound dramatic, but if you have any tips it would be great!I'm really tired of looking like this.
...I've struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years.

New here

Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm 33 i had a baby 4 months ago i have no idea how much i weigh but I'm pretty tiny, at least everyone else thinks I'm pretty tiny i hide how small i am under baggy clothes i only eat about 3 times a week if that. I have quote unquote struggled with food since i was 19, I'm looking for buddies who understand how important it is to be skinny.

Sorry for the frequent posts.. all two of them

I'm down five pounds from last week, so this is encouraging - but this will be a weekend of photographs and I want to hide.

I made myself a cup of hot, plain chai tea (just the bag) - I used to drink it all the time. I like it best when it's over-brewed and very spicy. The smell reminds me of when I'd start my mornings with it and a pile of vitamins and diet pills.. sitting in front of my computer screen for hours, scrolling through the endless journal feed of girls posting their stats, what they ate for the day, asking for encouragement and to be heard. Funny how smells can trigger such memories and emotions.

I need to drink more tea. (Although, my dentist warns black tea promotes kidney stone formation.)
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I suppose that's enough for now. If you bothered to read.. thank you.

(no subject)

Sorry I'm posting now (but never do) - though, I do read everyone's posts.

I used to be very active on these LJ communities (like everyone else, I guess) - I guess life and things get in the way. Not that activity on Livejournal is terribly important, but at one point it used to be my life and my go-to when I felt I had nobody. I actually met my best friend on one of these communities in 2006. I stood up in her wedding this past May.

I'm a mom now. I'm 30. I have a good job. Master's degree. I just feel like I will never get over this. Like I'll never outgrow this mentality - this relationship with food.

I started this morning with coffee and sunshine. In the back of my mind thinking "feeling empty feels so good!" - and feeling the instant shame hoping that my daughter never knows this. It still didn't make me eat breakfast. Mapping out family meals for the day - I log each calorie into MyFitnessPal, with the intention of eating only when other people are seeing me, and even then, just picking. Claiming I'm satisfied. Had a big lunch. We had snacks at work today! They gave us cupcakes! I shouldn't even be eating dinner!

Why is it so satisfying, even with all of the guilt?

"help me lose weight"

so when I get emails and messages of people saying i'm x weight and I want to be x weight and I want a buddy etc. i'm sitting here thinking.... why do you need someone else to hold you accountable? get some self control. "ana buddies" started out as not wanting to be alone/competition buddies. yeah cheerleading was there, but mostly you worked on your self and used your buddy's results to motivate you to run that extra mile. and also be there for each other during tough times. there is so much of a difference with how ana stuff used to be like in 2002-4 and how it is after it got blew out and became a fad and banned and all kinds of stuff. I really think the majority of the public got it wrong. sigh. whatevs. don't message me wanting to lose weight. i'm not a weight loss fairy. just stop eating. people say it doesn't work, trust me, it works. or if you don't want to stop eating, then exercise. more than you want to. until you pass out. three hours a day at least. and no more than 1000 calories a day. make that 900. and vary calorie days down to 200 or 300 and back up. make up some awesome reason why you are only allowed to have 500 calories on a Wednesday. etc etc.
i mean really, why don't people do this all the time?????
oh wait..... they can't....
they don't have the will power.
okay, quit messaging me.

(no subject)

Im new to this community so i thought i would introduce myself. Im 23 years old and ive had an ED since i was 14. I recovered when i got pregnant with my son. Hes 3 years old now and I haven't been able to lose all the weight i gained. Ive had a lot of the thoughts and feelings i did before i got "well".ive started restricting,purging and exercising again. i cant stand to look at myself in the mirror...i disgust myself. I was just hoping to find others that understand me. I don't really know anyone that I can talk about this. It makes me feel so alone...

(no subject)

y body is punishing me...
I've gained 5 lbs from yesterday to today.
I'm trying to keep myself calm and trying to sleep. I was 10lbs away from my goal, now I'm here... 15...lbs.

I've seen me 10 lbs near the goal a few times already in the past 2 weeks. Why I can't stay like that? Why did I have to binge and not purge, specially today, because last night I was freaking out about my pulse in rest being too high and that being from purging.

I hope when I wake up that at least I lost 3 lbs in water. Please, don't do that to me. I'm feeling terrible.